Always Alone At Home With The Kids
I was over it.
After being a full time stay-at-home-mom for a little over two years and raising two beautiful but extremely demanding toddler girls, I was ready to throw in the towel.
Actually, I did throw the proverbial towel but unfortunately it didn’t make it ‘in’ because of an interception from The Big Guy Upstairs. He tends to do that.
My husband was working two jobs and was gone almost every single day of the week. Literally. You can read more here about what he does for a living and why he was working two jobs during this season of our lives.
I knew what he was doing and I understood that it was all for a reason, but it was finally taking a toll on me. I was very unhappy and had no idea why until I sat down and took the time to investigate my feelings.
I realized I was lonely. Not only was I lonely, I was feeling isolated at home with the kids and resentful towards my husband for always being gone. I secretly resented the fact that my husband had the freedom to leave the house, go to work and converse with other adults while I sat at home all day, every single day, tending to the monotonous.
My loneliness and resentment began to simmer into a boil after a while and soon I found myself battling full blown depression and anxiety.
As much as it makes me cringe to say it:
I was miserable being a stay at home mom.
Who’s To Blame?
It had nothing to do with my kids. I loved them with all of my heart and I knew they were innocent. They needed my love, attention and for me to protect them. It was my duty to provide these things to them.
It had nothing to do with our extended family members or friends. Although, it would have been nice to have a little more support, it just wasn’t in the cards for me. And I knew there were other mothers, all around the world, in the same situation.
It had nothing to do with my husband. He was a good man. A loyal, loving provider who was doing his best to give the world to his family.
Turns out, it had everything to do with me.
After feeling depressed and unhappy being a stay at home mom for almost four months straight, it finally dawned on me.
I had to take responsibility for my own happiness.
In this 2nd video out of a 4 part series I discuss overcoming depression, anxiety and feeling lonely as a stay at home mom.
It’s Not All About You
I know the last thing you want to hear is for someone to tell you to stop thinking about yourself when you are feeling sad and depressed. How can we do that when the waters of inconsolable despair are up to our chin and we are about to be completely engulfed?
My best advice for you: You have got to push yourself.
Take the time to consider your husbands perspective in his role as the sole provider for income in order for you to stay at home with your children full time. I’m pretty sure your husband doesn’t want to be at work every day. He most likely rather be at home with his family spending quality time and making memories. I know it is tough being at home with the kids all day, every day with no real
break. Yet, take into consideration that it is also strenuous having to generate income daily, being away from the ones you love, and carrying the weight of providing for an entire family on one’s shoulders.
I urge you to make a vow to yourself that you will take responsibility for your happiness. Vow to yourself that you will be self-sufficient when it comes to your day to day activities and emotional strength.
Do You Feel Lonely Because Your Husband Is Always Working?
Are you a wife of someone who serves in the military? Perhaps your husband travels for work or is an entrepreneur and their work schedule demands long hours where your spouse is never home. I totally understand your pain and suffering as most mothers battle feelings of isolation and resentment at one point or another when raising young children. There will be times when we will feel these negative emotions, which is totally normal. Actually, it’s healthy. It proves that we are human and self-aware of our feelings and emotions. And although mothers are known to be of super human nature, the fact is-we aren’t super human. So a mother has the right to feel overwhelmed from time to time.
The key is how we overcome these negative feelings and thoughts in order to be the best mothers to our children and the best wives to our hard working, dedicated husbands.
I’ve traveled long distances (flying in an airplane across the United States) alone with two toddler kids. I grocery shop with my girls alone with no assistance (stopping at multiple grocery stores). Mind you, these two toddlers are still sitting in carseats so you can imagine the calories burned during a grocery shopping day. I’ve even gotten my hair done at a salon with my girls sitting in my lap.
My life does not stop just because I do not have a babysitter or because my husband is at work all weekend. I keep going. I keep pushing.
What We Struggle With Makes Us Strong
As a mother it is our job to stay strong when we feel weak. To stay resilient when it seems like no one cares how we are doing. Because our children care. Our children are watching us and depending on us to be the examples of how to handle stress.
My children are my motivation to get back up when I feel like staying down after being knocked down…multiple times. Although my kids are always with me and I never get a chance to be alone, I made a vow to myself that throwing in that towel we talked about in the beginning of the post…wasn’t an option anymore. My alone time needs to be found with my kids by my side, and I’m okay with that.
I am a stronger mother because of it.
I made a vow to take responsibility for my happiness as a SAHM and wife and I am asking for you to do the same. If you do this, the only one accountable for the smile on your face is you. So don’t let yourself down.. you are totally worth it 😉
I hope enjoyed watching this video. Check out the other three parts of this 4 part video series on overcoming feeling depressed and anxious due to loneliness as a stay at home mom. Hopefully, you can find the encouragement you need-as I needed it at the time of recording the videos.
Did something I say resonate with you in some way?
I invite you to leave a comment below and tell me your number one lesson about motherhood that you have learned from being a full time stay at home mom. If you enjoyed the video on my YouTube channel, please give it a thumbs up, subscribe to my channel and leave a comment with your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.
Stay strong mama- you are #MommyPhenomenal,
Blessings and Positivity,