Dear Mama,
As a stay at home mom, I know it can be lonely at times, especially if your husband is always at work.
Being a stay-at-home-mom can lonely at times, resulting in feelings of depression and anxiety
My situation is a little different from others.
I am alone more than MOST stay at home moms.
My husband works full time three days a week (12 hour shifts) at a hospital, and on his off days he works 8 hour shifts at a family run real estate office.
My husband never really gets a day off.
Every once in a while (perhaps every three weeks) we will be blessed with a random Sunday where he doesn’t have to go to work but that day does go by so fast, we hardly know what we did with it.
I wish life could be different right now but it can’t. We have goals we are trying to reach right now, while the girls are young and I am able to stay home with them.
We want to buy a house, eliminate the little debt we do have, continue our business investments, and reach a specific goal for an emergency fund.
I feel lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed, and resentful at times as a stay at home mom without the company of my husband by my side.
There was a time when I was unhappy with my weight, I couldn’t pull myself out of bed because I felt so depressed, and I did not have enough energy to keep up with my girls.
After I had my second born: I was over weight, depressed, had no energy and very lonely.
But I found a way out of that rut in my life.
I reminded myself that my husband was doing exactly what he needed to do for our family’s finances and future to thrive.
So I continuously coached myself to hold up my part of the bargain and do what my role requires me to do in order for our home life to thrive.
My husband could easily work one job and we could survive off of just one paycheck while I stay at home with the girls.
But my husband has a bigger vision than that.
And when I ask him, “Are you tired? You know you don’t have to work two jobs, right?”
His response always is:
“I’m young now. These are my years to grind hard. While I still have the energy. While my girls are young. So when they are older, they can see the fruit of my labor. That I did it for them.”
And I can do nothing but respect that.
God has blessed me with a hardworking, goal driven, outstanding, loving, provider who doesn’t miss a beat when spending time with the family. Although our time is very short together, (in between dinner and getting ready for bed or breakfast and dashing off to work) he still gives 100% to his daughters and I, after getting home from his long days at work.
So, as you can see, I cannot complain about being lonely because my husband doesn’t complain about always having to leave for work or never getting a break.
I know that this season in our lives will not last for long.
I also know that the goal is for my husband to transition to the real estate business full time eventually.
But that time is not now, so in the mean time I must be patient, hardworking and resilient.
My job in our home is to keep the engine running smoothly. I am more than just a caregiver of my daughters, I am also a secretary and second hand to my husband.
So my job,
(and being a housewife and stay at home mom is a job),
demands that I sacrifice just as much as my husband does and that I submit to him as well.
I get up before he has to get up for work, in order to make his breakfast and pack his lunches
(if they aren’t already packed from the night before).
I then wake him up and accompany him as he starts his day.
This means that on some days, I am up at 4:30am. But that is the sacrifice I make for my husband.
I make sure dinner is always hot and ready when he comes home, that his clothes are always washed and folded, and I don’t expect him to do much when he gets home but take out the trash.
I don’t bombard him with arguing, bad attitudes, and complaining when he starts his day or comes home from work. That wouldn’t make him want to come home.
Instead, I want him to be reminded of the reason he is grinding so hard when he comes home from a long day of work.
He adores when he see’s my daughters smiling faces while we cheer his name and drown him in hugs and kisses when he gets home from a long day.
So, yes, feeling lonely is a terrible feeling, especially when you are at home with the kids all day. You begin to crave adult conversation and attention. You may battle with depression at times and have negative thoughts and temptations prey at your mind.
I know, I’ve been there before.
Whether your spouse is in the military and is gone for most of the year, travels for work, or is working two jobs … what ever your specific case may be …
Be Strong.
Hold on.
You can overcome feeling lonely as a stay at home mom, it is possible. But you are going to have to change a few things in your life. It must be gradual, you might have to transition, and you may have to step out of your comfort zone. But if you stick around, I’ll be telling you how I went from over weight, complaining, negative, depressed, lonely wife to independent, driven, confident, energetic, positive and delighted boss mama/wife.
In my next post, I will share a little bit about surviving as a stay at home mom (while your husband is always gone at work) without the help of a babysitter.
Stay Strong Mamas,
Keri Kavali
I’ve had to commit to a lifestyle change as a stay at home mom and wife. Now I am in the best shape ever, I have unyielding energy, found and am currently working on my passion, and have a new zest for life. You can attain this too!
