Encouragement For The Undecided
The First Born Is Usually The “Easiest” Baby
I remember when I had ‘Big Girl’ (my first born); I just knew I would want more children. She was so sweet and mild tempered, hardly gave me any troubles, and was the cutest baby I had ever set my eyes on.
I think its safe to say most parents believe their child is the cutest child in the world when they are born, and yes, I was one of those parents.
Although my husband said he was content with having just one child for our family to raise, I knew I would want to consider trying for a second child in the future. I figured we could consider trying for a second child once Big Girl was in kindergarten so that I could focus fully on the next baby.
Yet, The Lord had other plans for me.
Six months after my mild tempered, always smiling, and slightly spoiled first-born came into this world, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. My plans for adding another child to our family came sooner than I expected and I was not ready at all.
The Unexpected Second Child
I was just beginning to get back into the swing of things after making it through the newborn months with Big Girl. Although she was so sweet and such an easy baby I still had my late nights up with her breastfeeding. I had began losing the weight I gained during pregnancy and started working part-time which allowed me to get a chance to get back into the work force and into society. This was a big difference from the secluded stay-at-home-mom lifestyle I had lived from the beginning of my pregnancy up until Big Girl was about six months old.
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, money was tight and my husband was working two jobs. It was a very stressful time in our marriage. Little did I know it would get so much more stressful in the future than it already was.
Raising small children is tough, ya’ll.
A Healthy Baby Is What Matters The Most
I remember my husband hoping our second child would be a boy and I would say the same thing when people asked me what I wanted but deep down inside I really didn’t care. I mean, I felt like I was supposed to root for the second child to be a boy because we already had a girl…that’s what most people would do, right?
Then we would have what they call – “the best of both worlds“.
But when hubby said that if the second child turned out to be a boy, he would be done having more kids because he would have one of each gender, I was thrown completely off track.
Nevertheless, I was just so happy to have been blessed with another child, and even though it was totally unexpected, in my heart of all hearts I wasn’t hoping for neither boy or girl but just a healthy baby all in all.
Hoping For a Boy Yet Blessed With A Girl
The moment we were told by the ultra sound technician that we were pregnant with a baby girl for our second child, a tear of joy rolled down my cheek. I had no idea that I would react that way because I knew how much hubby wanted it to be a boy. Yet, I was filled with joy because I knew that it was The Lords choice for our Big girl to have a little sister and for the hubby to father two daughters.
And the funny thing is, hubby rejoiced along side me when he heard our second child would also be a girl.
He did not complain, nor was he let down.
It was as if all of those days of hoping for a boy went right through the window and all he could do was imagine who this little girl would be and that he was going to be a father to more than one child. Hubby had a smile on his face that would not come off for a whole week after that.
From then on I would pick on my husband all of the time saying, “The ladies man is officially a ladies man.”
That would always give us a good chuckle.
When Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Any More Kids
I remember shortly after sharing with our extended family that we were expecting a second child, over hearing my husband talking over the phone to someone and saying, “I’m done with two, though. I don’t see myself wanting any more children after this one. Two kids are enough for me. ”
Hearing that really stung me deep in my heart.
I mean, I understood where he was coming from. Our second child was totally unexpected during a time of financial difficulty and where we, as adults, were still trying to find out who we were. But in my mind, to close the door on considering having more children in the future seemed totally irrational. Not to mention, this topic was never discussed in a fair conversation between us both. It was kind of a one sided comment that hadn’t heard my point of view before he decided to share it with others.
I felt like he was speaking for me, and for me…I wasn’t fully convinced that I was done having more children.
Well, that ordeal is for a whole other story so if you are needing encouragement when it comes to your husband not wanting more children and you wanting more, or vice versa, stay tuned. I will share my thoughts on that in detail soon. But I will say, anything is possible so do not be discouraged. From this blog post you can see how my hubby’s mind changed about having more children eventually.
Like I said, I understood where he was coming from. I partially felt like I was done at two kids too. But I would have liked the door for more children to be at least left cracked open just a tad.
Funny enough, after we had my second daughter, I remember myself vowing that I was done with my childbearing days. My second child turned out to be a high needs baby with gastrointestinal issues and it was extremely difficult caring for her during her first year of life. Raising our second child, whom we now call ‘Little One’ was one of the most strenuous periods on my life. I seriously doubted if I would make it through. I share a little bit of my struggle in this video.
And although, Little One took me through many heavy trials within her first year of her life, it was totally worth every bit of it. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She is Big Girl’s God given best friend and a carbon copy of my entire personality all bottled up in a twenty-six pound toddler.
A Strange Turn of Events
Fast forward to now, and my husband and I are …
*GASP* …. preparing to begin trying for a third child.
Call me crazy, call me insane.
Don’t worry, at times I have to check with hubby and make sure I haven’t gone mad.
And then I have to check my husband to see if he hasn’t gone mad.
But yes, we are preparing to begin trying to extend our family by trying for a third baby.
Isn’t Two Children Enough?
I was wondering to myself why do I have this urge to have another child when I had already survived the toughest experience I’ve had all of my life. I suffered through depression, anxiety, rage, loneliness and so much more during a period of what seemed like never ending, overwhelmingly dark days and now that both of my girls are older I finally got a good handle of things.
Why would I mess that up?
Plus, my girls are still pretty young. Big Girl just turned four years old and Little One is currently two years old.
Be Fruitful And Multiply
I remember bringing up the idea of having more children to my husband and him saying he was done. Although, I partially agreed with his decision because at the time we were just trying to find a day where we didn’t feel like we were being pushed to the edge of a cliff, it hurt me to think that we weren’t considering more children in the future.
Now suddenly, he was open to it.
I was shocked at where life was leading us.
And then a scripture verse came into mind:
Genesis 1:28: And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. (KJV)
The Lord wants us to be fruitful and multiply. After reading that bible verse it only made sense where this urge within me to have another child came from. The Lord placed that natural instinct in me and in all women.
It was as if all of the strife and turmoil that I had been through was a distant memory and now I so willingly welcomed it back again. Only this time, I would be better equipped with wisdom and strength from the last two times I delivered and raised my girls.
The Effort Required When Adding A Third Child To The Family
Remember, I had a c-section delivery with both pregnancies so I’m basically signing up for a third cesarean procedure if The Lord blesses us with a third child. So this wasn’t an easy decision to make.
This decision required understanding that this third child will result in:
– Finances being stretched more than ever
– Late nights up with a crying new born
– Going through re-potty training when I just finished potty training Little One
– Sore and leaky breasts from breastfeeding
– Pregnancy weight gain
– A more than messier home
– Hubby and I fighting more than we already do to find time to be intimate with one another
– A baby demanding my time and attention on top of homeschooling and tending to my two toddlers
All of this and more will be expected from me while juggling my passion to write and podcast, oh, and might I add, still be a prayerful woman and wife.
What About Our Goals?
Temporarily, I had a thought cross my mind that if we were to have a third child, my husband and I’s goals and plans will be set back drastically. We want to travel the world, make big moves and do big things and we were on the right path now that we got a good balance going on after our two little ones began walking, talking and behaving semi-obediently.
Now here we go, considering taking many steps back by starting all over again by having a third child.
Praise The Lord
Taking into consideration all of the effort, time, patience and redirection a third child will require…all I can do right now is praise The Lord.
Because that is how magnificent He is.
He will take all of the turmoil you went through and use it to give you wisdom and make you stronger. He will make sure you make it through the storm when you thought you wouldn’t see better days.
Once you make it through to better days He makes that memory of what you went through not so bad and you can look back on what you went through and say, “That experience wasn’t as terrible as I thought it was when I was going through it. It was what made me the person who I am today. I am stronger and wiser because I went through that.”
And all of the hard work you exerted never is in vain. You can see that in the fruit that your efforts bear to you today. I see all of my hard work, strife and effort was well worth every bit of sweat and tear drop when I hold my girls in my arms and see how much my relationship with my husband has developed.
Don’t Worry About The Days To Come
The Lord equips you with all that you need to complete His task further. He says be fruitful and multiply and then He says:
Isaiah 41:10 (KJV) Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
HE is with you. He is with me. He is with us.
I’m not worried about finances because The Lord will provide financial abundance to provide for each child that we have. He has done it before, keeping us from poverty, and he will do it again. (Matthew 6:25-26)
I am not worried about being up late with a crying new born because I know I’ve survived that experience twice with my toddlers so I know what to expect. Thank goodness for streaming movies on the internet, rentable DVD’s and a viable excuse for late night snacks.
(An entire complete series of Grey’s Anatomy, anyone?)
I am not worried about the effort it will take to re-potty train, change diapers, breast feed, lose weight all over again or buckle up three children in three car seats because I know it will take a serious amount of effort now to raise the people who will one day be my best friends.
These children will be celebrating holidays with me, travel the world with me, hiking mountains and canoeing through lakes alongside my husband and I.
These children will one day be leaders in society, completing Gods will for who they are going to be and contributing to the world with the talents and gifts The Lord has instilled in them.
And most importantly, these babies will be the ones who will one day bear my grandchildren, whom I pray to The Lord every day that I am blessed to be able to meet and see grow. I will never be alone on this earth because my husband and I are currently making the sacrifice it takes to raise our little crew. These are the seeds I plant for the fruit that will bear in the future.
Anything Worth Having Requires A Little Sacrifice
A messy home means there are children running around it giving the atmosphere in the home a spirit of laughter and joy.
Sore and leaky breasts mean another chance to bond with my baby and giving the child the best nutrients it can ever have.
Fighting to find time to be intimate with your spouse means you really love one another and are still making an effort to reconnect physically. How wonderful is that? Just be ready to be creative on when, where and for how long, and please don’t get pregnant again unless you are ready, heehee.
My hubby and I are constantly having a good laugh over how often we find ourselves devising a plan on how and when we can squeeze in our ‘alone time’.
And if you have a personal goal that you feel will be set back because you want to have another child (like a business, finishing your degree, or chasing after a personal objective), think about Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 where The Lord says…
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens…”
Dreams, Aspirations & Goals Vs. Having More Children
I’m not trying to convince you to go against your goals and dreams. I’m saying that you may have to be creative in how you work towards them. You may have to weigh out what sacrifice you want to make now for the greater good of what truly matters the most to you.
I am a writer and speaker; The Lord has put it in my soul to do so.
So that is what I will do, no matter if I have more children or not. No matter if I home school or send them to public school. No matter if it means not a cent rolls in because of it. I see myself writing long after my children leave for college and get married. I might work a bit more slowly, or have to be creative in how to fit it in… but I will do it. And my mind has been made up about that.
Everything else (anxiety, stress, self-doubt, and insecurity about my goals), I have given it all to The Lord. Because I know He does not give me the spirit of anxiety or stress but the spirit of security and confidence all wrapped up in a purpose.
Focus on The Positive And Not So Much On The Negative Of Extending Your Family
So in the mean time…
I praise The Lord because my husband once had his mind set on not trying for more children and now he kneels beside me praying for another.
I praise The Lord for getting me through the toughest days of raising two young infants at the same time. Now I have two loving, well-behaved, healthy and boisterous toddlers who I cannot imagine my life without.
I praise The Lord for refining me through my turmoil so that I no longer expect to rely on anyone else other than Him for sustenance and nourishment during the dry times that lie ahead.
I praise The Lord because I trust Him. I trust Him to give us exactly what He wants us to have. Whether it is a boy or girl. Whether He gives us another child or not, I am blessed.
In my next blog post I will be sharing how my husband and I have been preparing to begin trying for our third child. Let me give you a hint, it has nothing to do with taking another Lamaze class or preparing another nursery room. It has everything to do with first seeking The Lord in our war room on our knees before finally getting the okay from The Big Guy Upstairs to move forward with “Operation Trying For Third Baby”.
If you are a mother who is considering having a third child I hope my story helped you in some kind of way. Considering having a third child is a big decision. It will take a lot of work and there will be tough times ahead. But if we remember Isaiah 41:10, we will know that The Lord is with us and He will help us to get through it all.
Comment below and let me know if you are considering trying for a third child. What led you to this point and what are you doing spiritually and physically to prepare for the days ahead of extending your family?
I pray blessings upon you and your family and perhaps even your soon-to-be blessing from Heaven above.
With warm regards,